


New Video + James = Secrets Revealed

by Rawrlove19



Series: Janoskians' Snippets [11]
Category: Janoskians
Genre: Anger, Betrayal, Depression, Friendship, Gen, Music, Reuniting, Secrets, Suicide Attempt, YouTube, excuses, new video, suicidal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-10-30 11:26:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10875804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rawrlove19/pseuds/Rawrlove19
Summary: When the Janoskians ask James to do a collaboration for old times sake, James is left feeling hurt. Where was everyone whenever he tried to keep in touch? Also, what exactly was Jai hiding?





	New Video + James = Secrets Revealed

It was nice seeing James again after all of this time. I know he had tried to keep in touch, but we were all busy with our own stuff. Now, James thinks we are simply using him for views. That couldn't be the farthest thing from the truth.

Beau and Luke had been busy working on a new contract with management while Daniel was working things out with his father. Then, there was the whole move back to Australia that took time and attention away from everything else. We forgot to keep in touch, and eventually it was too late. James hated us.

He had tried reaching out to me at the end, but I had only pushed him away. I was dealing with my own issues that not even Luke knew about. 

Now, here we were. We had just recorded a new song and James was still acting like we were terrible people. In all honesty, we kind of were. He had left and we had effectively ruined our friendship. 

Our management team and James' Management had decided to force us to sit down and wait for them while they finished the paperwork for the new song. James was not very happy at all.

"This is stupid!" James grumbled. "You guys got what you wanted so I should be able to leave already!" To be honest, what he said had really hurt. As Luke spoke up, I started to fidget with my hands out of nervousness.

"It would be nice to catch up with our friend, too." Luke replied, causing James to scoff.

"Some friends you guys are! I actually tried to keep in touch with you, but you obviously didn't care!"

"It's not that we didn't care." Beau interjected. "We all had a lot we had to take care of once you left."

"Like what?" James rolled his eyes in disbelief.

"Luke and I had to spend a couple weeks with management, rewriting our contracts. With you out of the picture, our whole contact was voided. There were a lot of things we had to spend time on to fix. Plus, Daniel was busy with his dad. John was having a crisis and wanted to reconnect."

"What was Jai's excuse then?" James asked suddenly, causing me to look at my shoes and bite my lip. "What was he doing that he couldn't even answer a simple text from his best friend!?"

"That's easy," Daniel started before frowning in confusion. "Jai was...what was he doing?" I gulped as everyone turned their gaze to me for an explanation. Everyone was confused now, and I honestly didn't know what to say.

"I was busy...doing stuff." I made up a horrible excuse. Luke narrowed his eyes at me as James' expression softened.

"What were you doing, Jai?" Luke asked suspiciously.

"I wasn't doing anything. It's not a big deal..." I trailed off, refusing to make eye contact with anyone.

"It obviously is if you won't tell us!" Luke argued. "You're supposed to tell us, at least me, everything, Jai!"

"Well, not this! Okay Luke? This is the one thing that no one should know!" I yelled angrily.

"What's so bad that you can't tell anyone, Jai?" James asked. 

"You wouldn't look at me the same way!" It was true. My friends would think I was pathetic and that was the last thing I wanted. "I'm sorry James! I truly am. Something happened and for a while I was too ashamed to talk to anyone, even Luke."

"Wait, so the entire time I've been gone, you've been keeping a secret?" James asked confused.

"Right before you left actually. The night I was going to tell you, you told everyone that you were leaving and weren't coming back." I admitted before standing up and leaving the room before anyone could stop me. I ran until I reached a small park we used to come to when we were younger. It was then that I let my tears fall. Everything was my fault. I was so stupid.

"Stupid. So stupid." I whispered to myself as tears streamed down my face. I didn't know how I was going to talk myself out if this one. It would have been better if I had just let everyone think that I was selfish and self-absorbed. Anything would be better than the truth.

"You know you probably shouldn't talk about yourself like that." A voice spoke up, scaring me. I turned around to see none other than my twin brother, Luke. When I didn't say anything he continued to talk, "What's wrong Jai? You can tell me anything and I'll never judge you for it."

"You will with this." I argued. "I can guarantee you that you'll never look at me the same way."

"Try me."

With a heavy heart, I finally told my twin brother what I had been hiding deep inside for over a year now. I watched as the first tear fell from his face and then his own tears started to stream down his face. Luke enveloped me in a hug, tighter than he's ever hugged me before.

"Jai, why didn't you tell me? I'm not angry. I could never be angry at you, especially for something like that." Luke cried.

"Maybe I'm angry with myself and was afraid of how you'd react to it all." I whispered into Luke's shoulder.

"I think...you need to tell Beau, Daniel, and especially James. They deserve to know."

~

"Jai! Are you okay? What happened?" Beau ambushed me with questions after Luke and I finally got back. I shrugged him off and walked up to James who was eyeing my tear-stained face curiously.

"I'm ready to tell everyone if all of you will listen." I stated, making eye contact with James. He slowly nodded his head. 

"I guess I could listen." James shrugged.

"I-" My voice broke and for a second I thought that I couldn't do it after all. Luke placed a comforting hand on my shoulder and nodded at me to continue. "I think it's safe to say I haven't been in the best mental state for the last couple years...about a week before James told us he was leaving, I tried to overdose on sleeping pills in an alley way. Someone found me and took me to the hospital. I was saved, but I still struggle with having those suicidal thoughts sometimes."

By the time I finished, I was staring down at my shoes. I looked up for a secInc before being startled by Beau storming out of the room in anger and Daniel following after him.

"See Luke, I told you everyone would hate me. I told you and look what happened!" I cried, turning to my twin brother in anger. I wasn't angry at Luke. I was angry at my own stupidity. Luke was the one person who never judged me. I should have known everyone else wouldn't be nearly as understanding.

"No one hates you, Jai." This surprisingly came from James. "In fact, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. Beau will come around. Just give him some time."

~

It's been three days, and Beau was still ignoring me. Daniel had given me a bro-hug and told me that Beau would stop being a jerk and get over it soon, but to me it seemed like that just wasn't happening. He absolutely hated me right now.

To make matters worse, Luke caught me eyeing a bottle of Tylenol yesterday and figured out what I was actually thinking.

"Jai, what are you doing?" Luke had asked, worriedly.

"Nothing!" I had said too fast, dropping the hand that had been reaching out for the bottle. As my heart started to beat out of my chest, Luke took a closer look at me. 

"Jai, you weren't thinking of..." Luke trailed off already having his answer.

"I don't know. Maybe." I replied honestly, causing Luke's breathe to catch on his throat.

"Jai, don't do this. Please." Luke begged, his eyes wide and teary. "We all love you so much, and honestly if you were dead I'd probably go insane! Just talk to me when you feel like this, Okay?"

"Thanks Luke, but I don't think Beau feels that way right now." I had said before turning and running into Beau himself. He had simply shook his head and left the room as I stood there in shock. 

"Beau, just talk to him already!" I was broken out of my thoughts by Luke's yelling.

"What's there to talk about? I think Jai's made his decision already." Beau argued back.

"Beau?" I questioned quietly as I entered the room. Both of my brothers turned to me wide-eyed.

"J-Jai!" Luke stammered nervously. "Beau didn't mean that!"

"Save it Luke." I sighed. "I already know that Beau doesn't love me anymore. Honestly, you should probably be disgusted with me as well."

"Don't say that!" Beau was suddenly shaking with anger. "Don't you dare ever say that again, Jaidon Domenic Brooks!"

"Why? You won't even talk to me." I asked. Beau rarely ever used my full name, but I didn't care at the moment.

"I don't know what to say." Beau admitted with a sigh. "I just found out my baby brother was suicidal and I never knew a thing about it. Part of me is mad at myself for not noticing and part of me is mad at you for thinking that you couldn't talk to anyone!"

"That's fine." I stated brokenly. "Just don't ignore me ever again. You have no idea how much that really hurts."

"I'm sorry Jai-Jai. I love you so much and it would practically kill me to see you dead."

"Aww. Family goals!" Luke gushed like the little geek he was. I had to smile though. I knew that everything would be fine now. My secret had come out, but no one hated me for it. Instead, I became closer to my family again and even gained a friend back.


End file.
